fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were trust falling into bushes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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