I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Holy sore nipples Batman
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize