Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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