I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
