watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
