I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
