Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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