two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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