And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you will always have a special place in my vag
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
