She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He better not be in your backpack
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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