the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
