Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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