even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
