Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
