not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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