I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
