im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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