That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
