You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
