Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Pooping to opera.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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