The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
