a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
