On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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