i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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