Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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