I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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