I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize