Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
