so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
