the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
