the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
