We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
