Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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