No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
