I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
