Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
