Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
