She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
