You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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