FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
