u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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