You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
True college students do jello shots in the library
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
