Pappa wants mamma naked
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
