I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My life is pants optional.
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