btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
