I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
