The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
