I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
