Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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