You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
