When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
