your parents love me but you hate me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
