I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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