you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
