I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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