i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize