Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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