She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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