Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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