I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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