38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
