..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
