i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
