Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
