One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
