Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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