So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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