I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
