I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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