Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
