Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
