Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
