I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
