literally had 100 drinks last night.
Someone shit on the floor
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
