I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
